I’ve waited to feel better about this news, to be through the worst part before I posted it on my blog. And, I’ve finally decided that it’s there isn’t going to be a good time. So, here it is: Real food gave us back our fertility, but it couldn’t keep us from heartache. Because my periods are irregular and the pregnancy was impossible to date (and because I’m considered very high risk for pregnancy) our OB did an ultrasound at our first appointment. It went well. She saw what she expected to see, although we were several weeks off in our dating everything was on track. However, the following week, my blood tests showed that my HSG levels weren’t increasing at a fast enough rate and the ultrasound showed no growth. A week later, a third ultrasound showed that there was still no growth and no heartbeat. Our OB gave us a heartbreaking diagnosis. Our pregnancy had failed.
We are still waiting to have a natural miscarriage. My doctor is encouraging me to have a D&C to avoid what she calls the high risk of infection. This seems to be the standard OB line, but I want to wait—partly because the World Health Organization, after a comprehensive review of the scientific literature, says that the risk of infection is actually significantly LOWER with managed care (natural miscarriage) than surgically induced miscarriage.
As you can imagine, this is a difficult time. We’ve cried. We’ve prayed. We’ve grieved. And, we’re still waiting for natural closure. At the same time, we are hopeful in a way we have never been before. Natural fertility is not something we ever expected to have. And, other than our ages, we have no risk factors that say we are at increased risk of having this happen again.
Before this pregnancy, we had stopped hoping. We had stopped planning. We never even dreamed of trying.
Now we know a larger family is a possibility we can weigh and explore. We can try again. And, that fact alone is a miracle.
In the meantime, we’re working on healing. So, if you wonder where I am and why I’ve stopped writing (again) or posting regularly on Facebook, I’m laying low, cooking great homemade food, and taking a bit of a break from everything but my family.